Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Free spirit...

I found out what I was up against when Jamie was still a wee babe, not quite able to crawl. It was then that we decided to take a family trip to Snowflake, Arizona to enjoy a tour of the new temple before it was dedicated.

The idea that the temple brings shelter form the storms of the world took on a new meaning that day. Years of traveling to Snowflake to visit my husband’s family had not prepared me for the bitter gales that awaited us there. It was miserably, miserably cold and my thin valley girl blood welcomed the refuge of the warm temple lobby. I had no idea, in that peaceful moment, that I had carried my very own storm in with me and that it was about to erupt.

My storm lay dormant for awhile as we walked through each room of the temple, enjoying the beauty and craftsmanship, but then it began to bubble and brew beneath the weight of my loving arms until with a loud, obnoxious wail my storm—my Jamie—shattered celestial serenity, making each and every visitor stop and acknowledge her existence.

Not wanting to take my disruptive baby back out into the cold, I tried everything I could to calm her, then in desperation cried out in prayer, “Heavenly Father, please bless Jamie that she will be able to quiet down so that we and the others here can enjoy the sweet spirit of Thy temple.”

His words—clear, precise, unmistakable—both surprised and taught me, as he answered, “I cannot control her free agency.”

I learned that my baby was not tired, cold, hungry, or plagued with indigestion. She was just Jamie, a precious child of God, exercising her free agency to be heard when she had something to say (or bellow as the case may be).

So if you see my Jamie today and are alarmed by her high-water jeans that were the only ones “comfortable” enough for her to wear, and her untamed hair that she won’t let me touch, please know that she is not neglected. She has a mother who loves her very much, who wants nothing more than to send her out into the world looking cute and put together, but who has learned long ago that she cannot control her daughter’s free agency.

And to be honest, I don’t think I’d want to.

If I did, just think of all the fun I’d miss.


holly shaw said...

awesome bra picture great for bribing later on i'm sure. My kids look like that all the time i figure someday they will be teenagers and spend way too much getting ready and really who needs to be made up when your already cute

MaryRC said...

youre such a great mom and jaime is a great kid! that tough cookie is going to make a great contribution to this world someday!

4boyzmdmom said...

Love this post! I think we all have to learn as mothers that we can't control agency. I needed to be reminded of this truth today of all days, when my sweet baby is acting very "two"--thanks!

Missy :o) said...

that's so sweet. thanks for the reminder. sometimes i feel the same way about my own. i needed to hear that today. :o)

Miss Risa's House said...

I so remember that day! also the day she was born! Feel bleesed to have been there for this! She truly is a free spirit and bold person! This made me laugh and cry! I just love her and all of your children! Miss you all!