Letters from Landon, thou shalt not kill edition...

As I've mentioned before, Monday is email day from our dear Mr. Landon. Have I told you that I love email day? Well, I do. And I love this experience that Landon shared with us yesterday. So much so that I want to share it with you.

So without further ado I give you an excerpt from our~

LETTERS FROM LANDON

...another day this week we came in an hour early and i felt like we should go walk around the local area. we went, knocked on a couple doors, nothing happened. we were walking through the parking lot to go in for the night when a man called after us. we walked up to him to see he had tears just streaming down his face. he said he needed us to say a prayer with him. he was really angry at someone and was contemplating going to their house and killing them. we got down on the ground of that parking lot and prayed with him, after that we talked to him for a while to calm him down. we felt prompted to give him a Book of Mormon and gave him a chapter to read. he said he would go home and read it right then and go to sleep afterward. a few days later we saw him again, he told us "i've been reading that book you gave me, i read a lot of it. It helped me out so much. I'm not angry at that man anymore. and usually by this time I start drinking, but right now i'm just sticking with tea" It was a miracle to say the least. Dad, I know this work is true and that is why all these struggles are worth it. They are totally worth it. I just wish there was more i could do, just like Alma says "oh, that I were an angel".

Have I told you that I love that kid?
Well, I do.

Hope Springs Eternal...

(Rick was trying to make a serious, sophisticated expression, but he kinda just looks mad. The silly)

We just got back from an amazing weekend adventure, my husband and I. So amazing, so uplifting, so life changing. Seriously WE ARE HAVING THE TIME OF OUR LIVES.

At one point over the weekend Rick said, "This sure beats being at work."

I then reminded him, "This is our work! And most likely will be our FULL-TIME work someday!"

Pinch me.

I can't believe I'm involved in something that does so much good for so many people and fills me with warm fuzzy happiness, encouraging me to love and be loved, nearly everyday of my life.

I can't believe I'm involved in something that promotes change in my life and helps me to contribute to the change in others.

Those who read this blog know that the idea of personal progression is one of my favorite things about being alive, so to be involved in a career choice that lets me focus on progression in life, in hope, and in happiness is a bit surreal to say the least.

Life is a gift and my gratitude runneth over.

My own tug of war...

I'm participating in "Pour your heart out" today because I've always wanted to but never have and sometimes you just need to take the time to do things that you've always wanted to do but never have--dontcha think?

Once upon a time I did a lot of pouring my heart out on this blog. But that was once upon a time when my life felt very out of balance and I wanted to knock my head into a brick wall, but I don't feel that way so much anymore-- well unless you're talking about being out of balance with myself.

You see it's like this...

Sometimes I'll wear a flower in my hair or the like. An act that makes my sophisticated side cringe. My sophisticated side says, "get that flower out of your hair and act like a grown-up." My sophisticated side can be a real downer. But my artistic side argues with her and says, "Leave me alone. I like the flower. Color and texture make me happy so la." (my sisters and I used to always say "so la" when we wanted to do something and someone disagreed with us).

My sophisticated side likes to decorate very neatly and precise and to have my house look like a model home. Ms. sophisticate painted this family room in Gilbert (okay so she has a tad bit artsy in her too).

My artistic side would like to paint every wall a different color with maybe a mural or two for good measure (that's right I said mural). Ms. Artistic painted this living room in Gilbert. Yes living room. The first thing you saw if you visited our home. Ms. Artistic is crazy like that.

So what I'm saying is that I'm at odds with myself. I really am. Part of me wants nothing more than to be an eccentric artist who wears only paint splattered overalls (I currently do not own paint splattered overalls but I really want some) and funny hats-- and another part of me wants to wear high heels, skinny jeans and celebrity style hair extensions (I don't currently own celebrity hair either).

Ms. Artistic would argue that the eccentric artist look would require far less maintenance and would be far better for easing into old age (long, spirally gray hair and wrinkles would only enhance the look). While Ms. sophisticate whines, "But high heels are cute and if you work hard you can keep your body nice for a long time. Remember Susan Lucci on Oprah the other day? We can be like her."

Sometimes I do want to work hard so that I can look like Susan Lucci as I age but other times I just want to look like this...

And sometimes I wouldn't mind acting like Weezer either (I don't have any Weezer in me. Seriously. none. But sometimes I think it would be fun) But most of the time I'm happy being soft and kind hearted. I want to be sophisticated but I also want to be bold. I want to be normal but I also want to be eccentric. It's an all out war I tell you (and this is just a small sample of it), a war that can get rather exhausting. So exhausting in fact that I'm tired of talking about it.

So the only question left is this...

Do I go work on the talk that I have to give on Saturday or do I paint the whimsical picture that I've been wanting to hang in my bedroom?

Hmm...

Only the noble, chivalrous and kind need apply...

(we took this picture shortly before moving here (my girls and their cousin) would you just look at how fast time is racing by. It's just plain crazy I tell you)

My sister in-law sent me a link yesterday that made me cry. Click HERE to see why. Seriously incredible.

After watching this incredible video I proclaimed that I wanted one of my daughters to marry Spencer, a young man featured in the video, because he is exactly the kind of person I want them to have for their happily ever afters. Yes he is.

I know that he is too young for some, too old for others but I don't care we must snag him as one of our own. We simply must.

After showing the video to my kids, Jamie said, "Oh look, over 5,000 people have watched this already. That means a lot of other mom's probably want him for their daughters too."

"I know." I said, "I bet they've all signed their daughters up to be his wife."

Hearing this, Waylon craned his head back and with a puzzled look asked, "Wait, you can do that?"

"Yep." I answered, " I've already got you all signed up with your wife. Do you want to know who she is?" Nervous laughter ensued and I think he was very relieved when I told him I was only kidding.

Even though I can't really pick my future kiddos in-law I'll let you in on a little secret (what harm could it do? You already know I'm a goofy one) I can't wait to meet them all someday and I often pray for them. It's true. I pray for their happiness. I pray that they'll be able to withstand temptations and sorrows in their lives. I pray that they will have experiences that will lead them to truth, joy and strength, and I pray for them and my own kiddos that when they find each other they'll know it and that they'll get it right (remember how close Rick and I came to missing each other. Yikes. What a sad thing that would have been).

So maybe I'm strange, but I don't care. We're talking about the happily ever afters of my children here. If that's not worthy of some divine intervention I just don't know what is.

Weekend splendor...

I

It started with a much needed date night, this weekend of mine, and ended with some much needed, much appreciated and very much loved spiritual edification found through general conference.

For those who don't know, general conference is a semi-annual event where members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (and non members alike who feel so inclined to watch it) gather for some fabulously fabulous spiritual instruction and edification. Did I mention that it's fabulous? Well it is.

Anyway, that's how I spent the majority of my weekend and I feel very blessed because of it.

After one session of conference a wonderful program called "Turning Point" came on and boy howdy did we cry watching that. It's amazing how beautifully God orchestrates our lives. A-ma-zing.

Later as Rick and I snuggled together on the couch he asked, "Did you ever imagine that marriage would be this wonderful?"

"I don't know." I answered. "But I know I never thought it would be bad." (I grew up with examples of happy marriage all around me). We then spoke of what would have happened if I had never called him back after our break-up. I said, "Well I couldn't get you out of my mind so I had to call." He said, "I couldn't get you out of my mind either but I didn't know what to do about it."

He said his heart was pounding so hard when he heard my voice on the phone. I said mine was pounding too because I didn't know if he was going to tell me to get lost.

But he didn't tell me to get lost.

And I was happy.

It was our very own turning point.

And boy was it a good one.

The time I was saved from being a fool on April fools...

Often times the Lord blesses me in spite of myself, a fact that I am very grateful for.

Take this morning for instance...

Now it is no secret that I am not an organized person by nature. So it came as little surprise that with only 10 minutes left before Waylon had to catch the bus for school today, I suddenly remembered that he needed five filled plastic Easter eggs, and a packed lunch to boot, for a school picnic. Granted, ten minutes would have been plenty of time to accomplish these tasks IF I HAD ANY PLASTIC EASTER EGGS IN THE HOUSE. Which I didn't. Or so I thought. But just as I started to break the news to my poor unfortunate son that his mother is a twit (I'm sorry I just love the movie "Matilda") and therefore he would have to miss the picnic that he had so looked forward to, a picture came to my mind in perfect clarity as to where some eggs had been stashed some years ago (when you're unorganized you rarely recall where you stash things. It's sad.)

So I quickly retrieved the eggs, filled them with candy that I had forgotten to put into one of Landon's care packages (blessing #2) and frantically ran to the kitchen to throw a lunch together. Only I didn't have to throw a lunch together because as Easton was leaving for school this morning she remembered a pizza party promised by her teacher and left her lunch behind (#3).

Sometimes I feel unworthy of such tender mercies, being that I am a twit after all :) , but I am so thankful for a loving Savior who-- while encouraging me to continue to work hard at becoming all that I can be-- still sends me precious reminders that He loves me just the way I am.

Amazing.

Like you didn't already know I'm strange...

"Ooo, what if there was a Justin Bieber Just Dance game? Now that would be something." I asked Jamie on our ride home from school while shamelessly bopping to "Baby, baby, baby oh..." in the driver's seat.

"Um, yeah." She answered sheepishly. Then with a nervous smile and an apologetic tone she added, "Mom, I have to tell you something. I've kind of lost the Bieber fever. I'm sorry but ever since I saw Rustin Hieber on youtube I remembered how much fun it used to be to make fun of Justin Bieber and I really want to make fun of him again with Easton, Cora and Kimmie. So I'm just over him now."

It was at this point that I should have wiped my brow, let out a big old "Whew" of relief and switched discs (being that this Bieber fever affair had started so that Jamie and I could have something special to share together) but I didn't. I continued to listen, sing, dance and make obnoxious tweeny-bopper hand jesters to match the painfully tweeny-bopperesque lyrics (have you ever made a heart symbol with your fingers? Now that's a good time).

So whatever. I'll admit it. I've still got the fever for the Bieber, independent of my 9 year old daughter, because--and say what you will about my sanity--his music puts me in an instant good mood.

And wouldn't you agree that more instant good moods are exactly what's needed in this big old crazy world of ours right now?

I think you would. So go find your instant good mood maker today. And if you don't have one try this...

"Shawty is an eenie, meenie, miney moe lover. Shawty is an eenie, meenie, miney moe lover..."

Now that's gold baby. Pure warm fuzzy, happy dance gold.

Don't believe me? Check it out HERE and thank me later for the happiness that takes over your body.

There's hope yet...

Once upon a time I set a goal to be fabulous. Fabulous by forty. Once upon a time I decided that fabulousness included clean closets. Once upon a time I cleaned my closets but shortly there after I found out that some fabulous people are of the clean closet variety while other fabulous people are not. In other words, my closets quickly fell into disarray and I had to learn that I can be a fabulous work in progress and that's okay. As long as I stay "in progress".

So while trying to stay "in progress" I'm forever working to improve myself by study and listening to those who are fabulous in ways that I am not. One such person is Randy Pausch of "The Last Lecture" fame. If you haven't watched the last lecture watch it HERE. It's fabulously fabulous.

I love Randy Pausch. He keeps my dreams of fabulousness alive even when forces around me would tell me it's hopeless. Therefore I try to watch, read or listen to anything I can find with his name attached to it. One such lecture I recently watched was this one HERE on the subject of time management, wherein he spoke of procrastination and gave the following advice...

"If you have to eat a frog, don't look at it first. And if you have to eat three frogs, don't save the biggest one for last."

Fabulous. So fabulous in fact that I taught it to my children.

Fast forward to yesterday...

Yesterday I stood in my bedroom and declared, "Ugh, I have to eat this frog today and I better not look at it first." (at present my room is very messy)

To which Waylon replied, "Yeah, and you shouldn't save the biggest frog for last so I think you better start with your closet."

Six years old and he already gets it.

Now that's fabulous.

Yo, Adrian...

It's springtime, which means I now look like this.

No, not like the saxy lady... more like the oozing toad creature.
Yes that is me--an allergy stricken, oozing toad creature
and I'm pretty much sick of it.

And to make matters worse, yesterday I accidentally ate something that I'm allergic to (ever hear of the food coloring, carmine? Well it hates me)
so now I'm an oozing toad creature with puffy, goopy, swollen painful eyes.
Just call me Rocky Balboa. So nice.

I wonder if they'll notice at my parent teacher conferences today.
Perhaps a pair of sunglasses are in order.
What do you think of people who wear sunglasses indoors?
Drug addict? Hangover? Battered wife? Diva? Socially bizarre?

Hmm, maybe I'd be better off to just go with the oozing toad creature look.

But then again...

Such sorrow...

I have two favorite days of the week since my Landon has been gone, Monday and Friday. Monday because I get an email from Landon and Friday because I get a letter in the mail from Landon.

But this Monday is different, this Monday is not my favorite, this Monday is my very un-favorite. Because this Monday my Landon is on daylight savings time (we don't change time in Arizona) and this Monday he was at the library an hour earlier than usual and this Monday my email was later than usual so HE DIDN'T GET IT!

You see I had many interruptions this Monday whilst trying to get my email done, several of which were from my darling, love of my life husband who kept calling me (we were apart all weekend so he had much he desired to discuss with me). Each time he called I said, "I've got to get this email done, let me call you back." Well shortly after our last conversation he called me back and said, "You better send that email quick, Landon has already written to me this morning!"

Panic stricken, I added "Love, Mom" to what I had written and hit send only to find when I checked my mail that he had written me a half hour earlier. A HALF AN HOUR. Missionaries are not known to loiter around (they have much to do you know) so the likelihood of him still being there to receive my email is not very good at all. And now I am so very sad, making this a very awful Monday indeed.

The thought of my baby boy (who will be 20 this month btw) going throughout his day believing that his mother didn't even care enough to send him an email is killing me right now. It's a dagger protruding right out of my chest I tell you. A dagger dipped in poison.

I've had several dreams since becoming a mother where I find myself away from my children for one reason or another and spend the rest of the dream frantically racing to get back to them. It's a terrible, helpless feeling... much like what I'm feeling now. The only way for me to reach Landon at this point is through snail mail and that takes a few days and that's just a few days too many for this dagger pierced heart of mine.

Melodramatic? Maybe, but he is my baby boy (20 years old or not) after all.

...and I miss him.

P.S.
I wrote over here today too...

I'll have the gumbo with a side of joy please...

WRITER'S WORKSHOP PROMPT:
Lesson learned...



I recently learned a valuable lesson from a well known financial guru who said, "Once you make the decision to spend money on something you better enjoy it. If you don't find joy in what you decide to do then the money is wasted."

"Hello..." I answered back (to myself). Of course, it's about the joy. Life is all about living, loving, experiencing and finding joy {in a responsible manner of course :) }

So when Rick and I went away for our anniversary over the weekend and dined at a yummy restaurant where we may have ordered 3 different appetizers (we just had to try all of them) and some fabulous entrées (that came with bread and salad mind you) and I became very full midway through my fabulous entrée and began to attempt to finish all of it... because that's what you do when you spend a lot of money on an entrée at a restaurant (and can't take it home because you're not going home) you force yourself to finish it so you don't waste your money or your food... I suddenly stopped eating and said, "Wait a minute. This isn't about the food, it's about the joy."

We had gone out to that restaurant that night--deciding to spend a chunk of our hard earned change--to be alone together and to ENJOY one another and when I realized that I had accomplished that objective, the guilt for not "finishing my plate" or "getting the full value" was gone. I had spent my money on joy and my joy (along with my belly) was full.

So I set down my fork, sat back in my seat, and enjoyed the rest of my evening with my amazing husband (and no stomach ache).

Fabulous.

What a wonderful lesson learned.

He's a keeper...

Writer's Workshop Prompt:

Husbands. A post that hopefully will not get you in trouble.

Today we celebrate 21 years together.
*
Guess he must be doing something right.

Desperate in the bedroom...

I stayed up late watching "In the Bedroom with Dr Laura Ber-something or other" last night on the OWN network (Oprah's new gig). Why? Because it sucked me in when I had finished watching "Searching for..." (a show about finding lost loved ones. I'm a sucker for that stuff) and I couldn't stop watching it even though it's a show about a couple's dysfunctional love life in the bedroom. Hence the name. Why I felt the need to stay up late watching a show about a couple's dysfunctional love life is beyond me. But I did it anyway.

But this post isn't about that exactly. What it's about is something that was said on that show about the bedroom in general. The couple said they felt depressed every time they came into their bedroom and Dr Laura said that made her sad when couples say that.

Then I thought--well I feel depressed every time I come into my bedroom too Dr. Laura.
Only my depression has nothing to do with my love life so I'm guessing she probably wouldn't care.

What I suffer from is a bad case of decor depression. It's a well known fact (because sometimes I'm a whiner baby) that I hate my bedroom. Hate it. It's a terrible layout so the furniture only fits in one way (and I happen to hate the one way it fits in) and it's dark, gloomy, depressing and sad. So what do you think of that Dr. Laura?

I need a bedroom makeover. But I'm not really sure what I want. Part of me likes the idea of a simple, minimalist room with not much going on and lots of empty floor space (of course my room's too small for lots of empty floor space but whatever).







But a different part of me likes a room where my eyes can flit around like a happy little bird with several textures and colors to land on.




(I know this isn't a bedroom, but just look at all of those textures and colors. joy.)

So here I find myself, decor depressed and desperate (okay so maybe not desperate but still).

Maybe I should call out a favor from that storage unit guy I sleep with and put all but my mattress in storage, start with a clean pallet and see what I come up with.

And call me crazy, but that pink is really speaking to me. I wonder if that storage unit guy would still sleep with me in a pink bedroom. Hmm...

Yep, I've caught it...

Being that it's Valentine's Day I feel it only fitting that I use this time to introduce you to my new love.

You see our relationship started out as a joke. I'd scream, "I love you Justin Bieber!" (mostly because his name is so fun to say) and beg my children to buy his T-shirts or posters for me on all major holidays. They never did.

To be honest I didn't really even know who the boy was. I knew he was some little kid that little girls (and some older girls) went gah-gah over but I had never heard one of his songs.

Until...

Saturday night I took my youngest three chickens to see his new movie and-- I'm not too proud to admit that-- we HAD A GREAT TIME. And I'm also not too proud to admit that I kinda like that Justin kid.

His tunes are kinda catchy (in an innocent little kid kind of way) and perfect for sharing with my little ones. Being a mom is so fun and there is nothing better than seeing little faces light up when they think you love the same things they love. It's seriously one of the great joys of motherhood that no one tells you about.

So now Jamie and I have been struck with Bieber Fever. Yeah, we got it bad. And I'm having the time of my life sharing that with her.

Ain't love grand...

p.s.
the movie also had some powerful messages in it about stick-to-itiveness and creating the life that you want. I may have even had a few epiphanies while watching it. But then I'm always having epiphanies so what do I know.

p.p.s.
Marlee says, "So Mom do you say you love Wolverine just so you can see my face light up?"
Uh, no Marlee... No, yummy, heck no!



p.p.p.s.
In honor of Valentine's Day, there's a picture of me with someone I love posted over on Busy Bee Lauren's Blog HERE
If you are a reader of my blog you will recognize the picture, if not--well you probably won't.
Anyhoo, go check it out and tell me if you find it and then tell me how glad you are that I sent you to BBL's blog because I'm telling you that girl makes me smile. She's just so cute.

chugga, chugga, choo, choo...

I've been really lazy about taking...loading...printing pictures lately. My poor dear son serving far away in South Carolina asks frequently for us to please send photos but I don't do it because I'm being lazy and terribly rude. Poor kid.

Anyway, I think it's easier to stay in the blogging spirit when one stays in the picture taking spirit-- therefore the condition of my blog has been blah as of late. It's sad really and I'm sorry. well kinda.

But what hasn't been blah as of late is my overall spirit in general. This is a time for amazing growth in my life. I'm pushing myself beyond anything I have done before and let me tell you it can be super scary at times, like "I think I'd rather crawl under a rock and throw up" kind of scary but that's okay. There's been an awakening in my soul. I've thought of the phrase, "best life by design" over and over again and realized, "Yes, this is my life to design and I can do it."

Because the difference between those who create success in their lives and those who don't is not based on who's the stronger or the braver (because believe me I'm shakin' in my boots) It's simply based on who is going to keep pushing through even when they don't particularly want to-- because it's SCARY (or hard, or whatever).

But now I'm just rambling so let me get to the point of this post, which is my new theme for this year.

My new theme for this year is... "Oh, Yes I Can"

that's right.

I say it to myself every time I want to crawl under a rock or throw up from pushing myself beyond my comfort zones.

After all, I'm the one who put up those comfort zones in the first place so it stands to reason that I have the power to knock them down. So I think I will

because I know I can.

Oh yes,

I can.