Wednesday, April 6, 2011

My own tug of war...



I'm participating in "Pour your heart out" today because I've always wanted to but never have and sometimes you just need to take the time to do things that you've always wanted to do but never have--dontcha think?

Once upon a time I did a lot of pouring my heart out on this blog. But that was once upon a time when my life felt very out of balance and I wanted to knock my head into a brick wall, but I don't feel that way so much anymore-- well unless you're talking about being out of balance with myself.

You see it's like this...

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Sometimes I'll wear a flower in my hair or the like. An act that makes my sophisticated side cringe. My sophisticated side says, "get that flower out of your hair and act like a grown-up." My sophisticated side can be a real downer. But my artistic side argues with her and says, "Leave me alone. I like the flower. Color and texture make me happy so la." (my sisters and I used to always say "so la" when we wanted to do something and someone disagreed with us).

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My sophisticated side likes to decorate very neatly and precise and to have my house look like a model home. Ms. sophisticate painted this family room in Gilbert (okay so she has a tad bit artsy in her too).

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My artistic side would like to paint every wall a different color with maybe a mural or two for good measure (that's right I said mural). Ms. Artistic painted this living room in Gilbert. Yes living room. The first thing you saw if you visited our home. Ms. Artistic is crazy like that.

So what I'm saying is that I'm at odds with myself. I really am. Part of me wants nothing more than to be an eccentric artist who wears only paint splattered overalls (I currently do not own paint splattered overalls but I really want some) and funny hats-- and another part of me wants to wear high heels, skinny jeans and celebrity style hair extensions (I don't currently own celebrity hair either).

Ms. Artistic would argue that the eccentric artist look would require far less maintenance and would be far better for easing into old age (long, spirally gray hair and wrinkles would only enhance the look). While Ms. sophisticate whines, "But high heels are cute and if you work hard you can keep your body nice for a long time. Remember Susan Lucci on Oprah the other day? We can be like her."

Sometimes I do want to work hard so that I can look like Susan Lucci as I age but other times I just want to look like this...

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And sometimes I wouldn't mind acting like Weezer either (I don't have any Weezer in me. Seriously. none. But sometimes I think it would be fun) But most of the time I'm happy being soft and kind hearted. I want to be sophisticated but I also want to be bold. I want to be normal but I also want to be eccentric. It's an all out war I tell you (and this is just a small sample of it), a war that can get rather exhausting. So exhausting in fact that I'm tired of talking about it.

So the only question left is this...

Do I go work on the talk that I have to give on Saturday or do I paint the whimsical picture that I've been wanting to hang in my bedroom?

Hmm...


4 comments:

Heather said...

Definitely paint.
It will help you get your thought sin order for the talk. :)

Shell said...

I say paint, too!

I have my grown up side and my kid side. They battle each other all the time.

Gayle Bramwell said...

I understand this war because at
70+ I am still fighting it and it has nothing to do with being a kid or grown up for it is just two separate parts of one little old lady - but it is fun to switch off and be a little bit of this and then a little bit of that and even surprise myself who I will be today.

4boyzmdmom said...

Some of us were just born grown ups and never quite figured out the kid thing. Maybe that's why I love being around kids; they are so funny...and never boring! Maybe being the way you are is exhausting, but it is also interesting and exhilerating. I often wish I were creative, but nope...not a creative bone in my body! *Sigh!*