Scary but right...

Back before I started blogging I would use my free computer browsing time to look up writing prompts. My husband says that to have to sit and write an essay or short story would be a form of torture for him, but for me it's fun, one of my favorite pastimes.

So when I came across the weekly writing prompts over at "Mama's Losin' It" I was happy happy.



And now Mama Kat over at "Mama's Losin' It" has led me to another writing idea found over at "Scary Mommy"



And this writing prompt is a contest too. A contest to find another scary mommy. To win this contest I need to convince the world that I indeed am a scary mommy. Hmm...

Truth be told, I have been blessed with a lot of patience. I don't say this to boast of myself because we all have "our thing" and patience just happens to be mine, but believe you me there are plenty of other areas in motherhood that are not "my thing" areas that I stink at. Yes it's true. And though I have been blessed with patience you better know that sometimes I still freak out and yell at my little darlings. Yes I do. Especially when it's time to leave the house and one or all of them are still not ready. "Are you kidding me that you can only find one of your shoes AGAIN!" I screech. And when I say one shoe I mean one of each shoe. One flip-flop, one tennis shoe, one cute flat, one crock, one boot, one sandal... ONE, ONE, ONE! It makes me crazy and I have on more than ONE occasion threatened to cut off ONE of my children's feet to solve the ONE shoe problem. Now that's scary.

Because being a scary mommy is all about being honest with ourselves and others about the difficulties of motherhood I will confess that my frustrations with my children really point back to a sense of failure in myself. I have a dream and in my dream there is order, calm and perfect bliss. My dream includes shiny waxed floors, peaceful music, the smell of homemade bread, perfectly made beds with a mint on the pillow and little love notes tucked between the row of neatly folded socks in each of my children's drawers.

So the reality of having my children frantically dig through the laundry basket full of unmatched, unfolded socks when it's time to walk out the door jabs and churns in my gut, revealing the scary mommy beneath my normally patient composer. It can be very hard to be a stay at home mom when the "home" part of the equation seems so far beyond your realm of capability and because of this I spent many a year wondering if I should just give up the gig to go out and find a job that suited me better.

But in the quiet moments of hugs and boo-boo kisses, storybooks and make believe, laughter at the things my little ones say as they try to figure out this big wide world, and tears as I listen to the testimonies of my older children who really "get it" I know that, despite my failure to be the homemaker extraordinaire that I dream of, and though this job AND I can be scary at times, I'm exactly where I need to be...

... and I wouldn't trade this experience for anything.