Monday, June 1, 2009

Lessons from a bicycle...







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"But Jamie already figured out how to ride a bike without training wheels." She cried. "It's not fair. Why does Jamie do everything better than me?"
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"You could read and write when you were four, Jamie couldn't do that." I told her.
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"So. I want to know how to ride a bike. I'll never figure it out. Why is everyone else better than me?"
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Ahh, the million dollar question. Why is everyone else better than me?
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Did I happen to mention that I've always wanted to be a great singer? Well I have. In ninth grade this desire led me, eagerly, to choir tryouts where my dreams were promptly crushed by the fact that I only made it into the SECOND highest choir.
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Although I was invited by the teacher on two different occasions to sing solo parts in this "lower" choir, which should have indicated to me that I showed some sort of promise, I never got over the fact that I wasn't good enough to be with the best. There were others better than me which to my mind meant that I stunk and that I should probably just give up singing altogether.
And that's just what I did.
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In retrospect I can see that maybe this wasn't the best course of action (especially as I now watch my own children work to climb up the choir ladder), and yet, AND YET, I still find myself falling into this pattern of thinking in my life.
NOT PERFECT, NOT AS GOOD AS SOMEONE ELSE = YOU STINK SO PLEASE DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND QUIT ALREADY.
Sad I know.
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Thus I struggle with the, "Why am I not as talented or as pretty or as funny or as nice or as organized or as good at this that or the other? Man, I should just throw in the towel already."
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I even struggle with this little blog of mine. Why the heck am I writing it anyway? Heaven knows I'm not as interesting, smart, clever or well-rounded as the other, "better" bloggers out there. I should go blow the dust off of my old fashioned paper journal and quit this silly blogging business.
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And yet, AND YET, I still keep coming back for more. More of blogging and more of LIFE. Because although there will always be someone better than me, somewhere deep inside I know that's okay. Somewhere deep inside I'm excited to discovered just why I'm made the way I am. Why I'm me with all of my flaws, idiosyncrasies, and yes, talents too (there I said it).
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I have to keep trying or I'll know everything about everyone else (or at least what I perceive them to be) and nothing about me.
I'll miss out on knowing ME.
And that would be very sad indeed.
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And as Miss Easton, master bike rider extraordinaire has now discovered, working to become better than YOUR OWN best is the key to happiness, and has been all along.

4 comments:

Lori said...

Thanks for this. Today I watched a "Mormon Messages" on YouTube. It is called "Create." The first person that came to my mind was you. You are a wonderful creator and it doesn't have to be perfect. You have started this blog that never existed before. You have created a network of women who love to read about your life and get inspired by you. So you keep on creating and don't quit!!

Lori said...

Here's the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhLlnq5yY7k

Marcie said...

Ah, those pictures break my heart. Being a mother to daughters is tough, especially when we are still learning those hard lessons ourselves.

MaryRC said...

awww sounds like a 9 year old girl in my house. you my love better keep on keepin on with your writing, you are so very talented, trust me.