Sunday, March 29, 2009

Believe...


I've been troubled lately, deeply distressed. Not about the economy or the like, I've long since handed that weight over to the Lord and boy has he made my burden light, so much so that I fly right up into the heavens each time the subject gets brought up. It's kind of a Pavlov's dogs reaction. I've prayed so often and received such good tidings of great joy that God lives, that he loves and has a perfect plan for me, and that he is still the God of heaven and earth--that when the gloomy bells of the bad economy toll, within moments I remember the comfort that has been offered to me and I REJOICE. Again and again and again, I rejoice.
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Despite this, I've had a very heavy heart. I've worried and worried about a decision I have been trying to make. Worried that I was doing everything WRONG. The what-ifs have taken up residency in my brain, clouding all other thought and understanding.
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I have prayed and prayed, but have refused to be comforted because "what-if"...
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I recently fasted and prayed about the subject and woke up the following day with a new peace and understanding of what I should do, but sadly this didn't last because "what-if I had only imagined the peace because I wanted it so badly?" and "what-if I was still doing everything WRONG and was only pretending that it was okay so I wouldn't have to find the answer?" WHAT-IF, WHAT-IF, WHAT-IF...
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This morning it became too much for me and I cried (I don't cry easily mind you) I cried in the shower because this burden had become too heavy and I just didn't know what to do. I thought that I should probably ask Rick for a blessing and I mentioned to the Lord that if I could just hear the words that the peace and comfort I had felt were real and that I shouldn't be afraid, I would know once and for all what to do. I then quickly apologized for telling him what to say to me and told him that I would accept any counsel he desired to give me.
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After my shower I was drawn to my scriptures. I opened to where I had left off in 2 Nephi and began to read. Led away by an interesting foot note, I found myself in D&C for a time, all the while feeling that I should return to 2 Nephi. Not wanting to leave D&C, I ignored that feeling and kept reading until one of my kids came in to ask me something. Looking back down at my scriptures I noticed that I had somehow lost my place in D&C and had turned back to 2 Nephi, chapter 8 to be exact, so I continued my reading there. And that's when the Lord spoke to me in verse 12. He spoke the very words I had pleaded to hear:
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I am he; yea, I am he that comforteth you. Behold, who art thou, that thou shouldst be afraid...
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And again,
I REJOICE.

4 comments:

Lori said...

Wow, that is so awesome. Thank you for your example to me.

Rundells said...

Isn't amazing how the Lord answers our prayers? Thanks for sharing that...I've been in a little bit of a pit lately and I needed to hear that. The Lord really does love us and cares!

4boyzmdmom said...

I love it when that happens!

Missy :o) said...

that's so terrific! i love those experiences. :o)