Thursday, January 29, 2009

When life gives you chocolate chips...

I heard Waylon cry and I wanted to cry right along with him. It's just been one of those days. I went out to check on him and found he and Jamie fighting over a stick. Ahh, the sibling dispute. The very cause of my very bad day.

Now that my siblings and I are all grown most of our rivalries are limited to the occasional spousal pillow-talk where silly annoyances are whispered then forgotten. But today "The One", the one whose fallen life must constantly be put back together, yanked on my stick yet again and this time, this time I pulled back.
"Whoever lets go of the stick first gets a treat." I called out to my fighting babies. Bad parenting? Maybe. But it was too cold to stay out and discuss the importance of sharing. Jamie promptly stood up "I want a treat." She beamed.
"Wait here. I'll get you one." My promise loomed over me as I searched the pantry. No treats. Now what? A small chocolate chip filled Dixie cup would have to do. How my offering would be received depended entirely upon the expectations of the excited girl outside. If she expected a plate of cookies my chips might not be enough to please her.
I thought of "The One", the one who fights and exhausts me with her constant pulling. I fear she will never be able to offer more than simple chocolate chips. How I receive them will depend entirely upon my expectations. If I expect cookies she will never be enough and I will never be happy.
Jamie accepted my simple gift with a smile and I knew that I must smile too. I must accept "The One's" chocolate chip offering for I have been given the tools to turn them into cookies.
Cookies for us to share.


The Cranes said...

That was a beautiful way to express your feelings about the pain you feel when someone you love is struggling so much to live up to their potential. If we can get past the pain and frustration, and be satisfied with the best others can give, we feel better and we are better equipped to help them. And it is a reminder to not be too hard on ourselves as well. We need to be satisfied with the best we can currently give as we strive to live up to our own potential. Easier said than done on both accounts.

MaryRC said...

you are a much better sibling than i. I have "one" too. i hate the feelings im left with when i hear about another issue with this "one". i have a hard time accepting chocolate chips from him and i hold on to the stick. she is lucky to have you. hopefully someday she will see that. you do 20 times more for yours than i do for mine. once again you are a great example.

4boyzmdmom said...

Thanks, I needed to hear that!

I always feel better when I stop myself and choose not to let someone else get me upset! Sometimes I feel like I'm being pushed and pulled around by everyone else, but I really do always have a choice.

Beautiful writing!

Darce said...

You write beautifully! And, your reflections are amazing! Thanx for sharing--and teaching me!