As a young girl I became acutely aware of my own mortality. I believe it began when I was about 10 years old and had a vivid dream where two very bright, almost glowing, white haired men came to my bedside. I remember I could see my body, every dimension of it, lying in bed while I spoke to them. (I always knew this was a dream because I could see the front and the back of my body at the same time. You can imagine my interest when I recently read a book about a near death experience where the author described how she could see all of her body at the same time, both front and back. I still believe my experience was only a dream, but even so that was interesting to read.) The men told me that they had come to take me home. I told them I wasn't ready to go yet and that I wanted more time. I don't remember what happened next but I think the experience made me look over my shoulder wondering just how much extra time I had been allotted.
Later when my dad passed away I again was reminded of my own mortality, I mean if Superman can die than anything is possible. I remember lying in bed one night desperately considering what would happen to my kids if I died. "They're my children!" I cried to myself. "I'm the only one who can care for them! They're mine!" At that moment the spirit spoke to me and said, "No, they are my children." Of course! My children are His children with their own mission and purpose, and even though I am a very important part of that mission, it can be fulfilled without me if needs be because God lives and he loves His children, my children.
On another occasion I watched a documentary on the Utah pioneers. After watching it, a weight rested upon me as I tried to fall asleep. I felt sorrow for the trials of those wonderful people, particularly in the loss of their loved ones, and thought that surely I wasn't immune to such trials in my own life. I began to worry I worried that I too would lose those so precious to me. I prayed to my Father and asked for his comfort. I then turned to the scriptures. Often times in my life I open my scriptures directly to a message that seems to have been hand picked for me by my Father. This night I opened my scriptures hoping that I again would find a message from Him. I turned to Mosiah 4:27 ...and it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. I thought it was a nice scripture but not necessarily an answer to my prayer. It wasn't until my morning prayers that the spirit told me that that scripture was the answer to my prayer. I was not to run faster than I had strength. I was not to run ahead of the game worrying about what might happen. I was told to rejoice in my blessings each day knowing that my Savior's comfort and love would be sufficient if and when trials would come. I have never forgotten that and each day when I say my prayers I say, "I thank Thee today that we are all healthy, that we are all still together, that we have a job and comforts, a beautiful home and food to eat and for every other blessing. Today is good and for that I am grateful.
Last day with braces
After two years of torture, Landon is finally free! Look at those pearly whites! And with his new short haircut I can just picture him as a missionary. In Gilbert he was bribed by a member of the bishopric to cut his hair. He did it, but then grew it back out again. I actually like his hair long and am glad that he is planning to grow it out at least one more time before his mission. He turns 17 in March so in just two short years he will be leaving. I can't believe it! Where did the time go? I can't grieve though, Landon is such an amazing person that his future should be a glorious thing to witness. I feel very privileged that I was the one who got to bring him into this world and share his life with him.
