but please hold the bull...

So I'm watching American Idol last night (me and a ba-jillion other people mind you... and yes I'm pleased with the winner but I would have been pleased either way because I liked them both) and I felt happy down to my happy bones (are there happy bones?) that Scotty sang with Mr. Tim Mcgraw himself. Now y'all know that I am not generally a country girl when it comes to music--unless of course the music is just right (for me mind you, you can like whatever you want) and I likes me some Tim Mcgraw and I also really likes me some Randy Travis and young Mr Scotty has some similarities to Mr. Travis wouldn't you say? Well I would.

So as I was saying, my happiness meter went up a little bit when I saw them singing together especially because they sang "Live Like You Were Dying" and I like that song. Yes I do. And now that song (that I like) is very much stuck in my head which has left me to ponder, "What would I do to live like I were dying?"

So I went through Mr. Mcgraw's list...

Skydiving
Rocky Mountain climbing
2.7 seconds on a bull named Fu Man Choo
Love deeper
Talk sweeter
Give forgiveness I've been denying
Watch an eagle while it was flying

Hmm...

I think I'd say yes on everything but the skydiving and bull riding (although when I discussed this matter with Waylon he lit up (like you've never seen a boy light up) over the prospect of getting to ride a bull. Seriously so excited. Guess he has a little of his Grandpa in him).

You know, I'll have to work on my list of things I'd want to accomplish if I knew my days were numbered (because they really are if you think about it, even if I have 50 to 60 years of them left) but for now I know the most important thing that I'd want to do is spend time being perfectly plugged in and present in my husband and children's lives. And right up there in importance to me would be to keep a journal. Because I know when we lose someone we love we want to hold on to any precious little tidbit of memory from the life they left behind.

So I'll continue to visit this blog to leave little pieces of me behind because even as insignificant as I may sometimes feel, I know there are people who love me just the way I am, people who will miss me when I'm gone and who will want to remember what I had to say while I was here...

And this is my gift to them.

P.S.
Another thing I'd add to my list would be to post a video of me singing "Live Like You Were Dying" here on this blog (I've been belting it out here at home let me tell you). Not because I sing well and I want you all to Ooo and Ahh over me but because I sing mediocre at best and well,
that's the whole point...

"You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth."
— William W. Purkey

The time I fell in love...

Once upon a time I fell in love... but then that's jumping ahead in the story, it should really begin like this...

Once upon a time (about a week ago) I stopped to recognize that many times throughout my day my mind is flooded with thoughts. Whether they be thoughts to be added to a book manuscript or thoughts to be shared in a letter to a friend or thoughts for my children or other loved ones, thoughts on gospel principles, motivational thoughts for myself and others, thoughts on how to better navigate my way through this crazy world, thoughts, thoughts, thoughts all day long thoughts. I really do have a dizzying mind it's true.

Problem is I never take the time to write these thoughts down and sadly most of them get lost. So I said to myself, "Hey self, why don't you get a handy dandy voice recorder for your thoughts? You could keep it in your pocket all day long (for your all day long thoughts) then write down what you recorded before you go to bed at night." And then I said back to myself, "Hey self, I like that idea."

So I visited Amazon.com and that's when it happened... that's when I fell in love. Because there amongst all of the practical, professional looking voice recorders was this sweet little beauty IN PINK. Now I usually don't let myself get so silly over silly matters like this (it was a little more expensive and took a little longer to ship) but this little voice recorder spoke to me ( :} ) and it made my heart sing. And since I'm using it for creative purposes I decided that was a very good foot to start off on. Yes I did.

Now if I could only figure out how to set it up. Hmm...

Oh well my kids will be done with finals soon so maybe they can help their poor technology un-savvy mother out (what can I say, I've never even owned an MP3 player before. Well, until now because my precious little pink is one of those too. Happiness.)

Listen to your heart...

I stayed up til three in the morning last night (something I've been doing a lot lately) and in the course of my staying up I watched some episodes of Oprah that I had on my DVR, my favorite of which was a show she did on her all time favorite guests.

As I watched a wise young boy explain his philosophy on life I began to wonder what my "heart song" is. Really, what is my truest deepest heart song?

Later in the show a woman from Zimbabwe (I believe) spoke of how--though she faced many obstacles-- she was able to write her greatest dreams down on a piece of paper then bury it under a rock. And now many years later every dream on that paper (and they weren't small) has been fulfilled. So again this caused me to wonder, what dreams would I want to bury under a rock?

And then I cried a little (people who are staying up until three in the morning watching Oprah generally have something that they want to cry about) because the only dream I really have for myself at present is the dream of running away, growing a beard (perhaps bushy leg hair would be more achievable) and becoming a hermit, happily separating myself from the human race forever more (of course my husband and kids would have an open invitation to visit anytime).

Have I lost faith in the human race (myself being included in that group)? No, and I never will. I can't have an absolute testimony of the atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ without having absolute faith in man's ability to overcome and triumph. I just wouldn't mind taking a break from the frailties of those in the human race for awhile (myself being included in that group) because staying up til three in the morning to watch Oprah may be enlightening, but oh am I tired.

So very, very tired.

Can you picture that...

Remember this?

Of course you do. It's my visualization board and I've only showed it to you like 9 o'billion times. But that's only because I love it soooo much. I really do.

And now guess what (brace yourselves)...

I've made another one!!!



Ain't it so purty that you just can't stand it?

Well it is to me. But then I have a deep burning love for words, colors, pictures and metaphors. I've decided that I am a metaphor savant. It's true. You should hear what some of the pictures and phrases on this board mean to me. My girls laugh but I don't care because I'm telling you these boards really work.



And now my new board resides on my bedroom wall right next to my old one (along with a picture so graciously painted for me by my darling Marlee). They are the first things I see when I open my eyes in the morning, bringing instant happiness to my little world.

Words are very powerful. I think we all know this. So why not hand pick the words that will greet you each new day? Why not indeed. I know I will. Yep, I'll keep hand picking new words throughout the years until my entire wall is covered in them.

I get all goosebumpy just thinking about it. For real.

My morning thoughts...

Living in the "NOW" means that I get to find joy in simply watching Jamie wake up and reach for the orthopedic shoe I wore after I broke my foot. She hurt her foot the other day while playing with water in the wheelbarrow and has worn that shoe everyday since. It is too big on her and it's terribly unattractive but she wears it with such pride--a visible injury is GOLD to most kids.

I find joy in letting my kids choose how they will express themselves in this world. I'll admit that it's hard sometimes to watch some of the outfits--conjured up by imaginative hands--walk out of the house and into the big wide cruel world. It's hard not to cry out, "Conform, conform, conform--fit in with the crowd." But I don't want to do that to my kids. They are so creative and confident about which side of that line in the sand they want to stand and I never want to break that spirit.

I myself fight everyday with the notion that I must live, be, look a certain way to fit in and be admired. The voices of the world--who have traded their souls for a chance to be "normal"--ring in my ears and give me a headache. So I'm rebelling, a little each day, I'm rebelling against those voices that try to tell me that there is only one way to be if one is to be truly happy, because I'm learning that this "one perfect way" is not making me happy at all.

I do not wish to live a life of conformity. I want to make decisions based on what I feel not on what I'm "supposed" to feel. Perhaps that is why I stayed in my pajamas the entire day yesterday. I didn't lounge in them but I worked, played and lived in them. Yes all day, with a "Mrs. Goodkind" bun pulled tightly atop my head to boot (Mrs. Goodkind was a character from one of my favorite children's books, "The Firehouse Cat" and I would often feel troubled that she chose to wear such an ugly bun in her hair and felt quite certain that she would be much prettier if she let it down).

Yesterday I didn't feel the need to conform to "beauty". Yesterday I felt a little feisty and rebellious and happy to simply be present in the moment. And moment after moment of my day seemed to call for nothing grander than pajamas and a bad hair-do. So I simply lived what I felt and it was lovely.

And today? Well, today I feel like getting dressed. So that's just what I'm going to do.

A happy day for a crazy gal...

As you may be aware, yesterday was Mother's Day.
As you may also be aware, I am the mother of a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
As you may further be aware, I receive a phone call from my missionary son twice a year. On Christmas and on Mother's Day.

So yesterday was a very, very good Mother's Day for me indeed.

A talk to my son for THREE WHOLE HOURS and let the house get all messy kind of Mother's Day (of course we let the house get all messy every Sunday but whatever) and it was fabulous.

Being a mom is the bestest best thing in the world. It really is.

Every kid should get to live near a cousin...

"Yep, he's dead." Waylon announced as he and his cousin Jonah checked on the baby bird that they had tried to save the night before (they saved it from a cat's mouth. Perhaps it would have been better to let the cat finish the job, but hey, they had to try--right?).

"Well, we're learning about the cycles of nature." Waylon continued, "And this is one of the cycles of nature."

"Yeah... dying." Jonah whispered solemnly.

"People die all the time." Waylon added, "It's just one of those things."

Jonah and Waylon have the best conversations. I love listening to them (especially when they don't know I'm there). Waylon is a very matter of fact, "this is just how life goes" kind of kid and Jonah is very mindful and tender hearted, but they will both fiercely defend their point of view and they are both extraordinary story tellers. Seriously, they scare each other to death all of the time. Jonah had Waylon so scared of a bully at school named Tony that Waylon was ready to call off his education all together.

"I think Jonah is just telling you a story." I told Waylon.

"No he's not." Waylon insisted. "Tony gave Jonah a bloody lip and sent him to the hospital and everything." (Okay, I'm thinking the family chat lines would have been lit up had this really happened.)

"Waylon I'm pretty sure Jonah is just messing with you." I reassured him again.

"No mom it's true. Tony is the worst bully at school and I don't want to go back there."

"Well do you know Tony's last name so I can talk to the teacher about it?" I asked.

"Yeah his last name is Hawk, Tony Hawk."

Tony Hawk?



Um... yeah.

So cute.