Desperate in the bedroom...

I stayed up late watching "In the Bedroom with Dr Laura Ber-something or other" last night on the OWN network (Oprah's new gig). Why? Because it sucked me in when I had finished watching "Searching for..." (a show about finding lost loved ones. I'm a sucker for that stuff) and I couldn't stop watching it even though it's a show about a couple's dysfunctional love life in the bedroom. Hence the name. Why I felt the need to stay up late watching a show about a couple's dysfunctional love life is beyond me. But I did it anyway.

But this post isn't about that exactly. What it's about is something that was said on that show about the bedroom in general. The couple said they felt depressed every time they came into their bedroom and Dr Laura said that made her sad when couples say that.

Then I thought--well I feel depressed every time I come into my bedroom too Dr. Laura.
Only my depression has nothing to do with my love life so I'm guessing she probably wouldn't care.

What I suffer from is a bad case of decor depression. It's a well known fact (because sometimes I'm a whiner baby) that I hate my bedroom. Hate it. It's a terrible layout so the furniture only fits in one way (and I happen to hate the one way it fits in) and it's dark, gloomy, depressing and sad. So what do you think of that Dr. Laura?

I need a bedroom makeover. But I'm not really sure what I want. Part of me likes the idea of a simple, minimalist room with not much going on and lots of empty floor space (of course my room's too small for lots of empty floor space but whatever).







But a different part of me likes a room where my eyes can flit around like a happy little bird with several textures and colors to land on.




(I know this isn't a bedroom, but just look at all of those textures and colors. joy.)

So here I find myself, decor depressed and desperate (okay so maybe not desperate but still).

Maybe I should call out a favor from that storage unit guy I sleep with and put all but my mattress in storage, start with a clean pallet and see what I come up with.

And call me crazy, but that pink is really speaking to me. I wonder if that storage unit guy would still sleep with me in a pink bedroom. Hmm...

Yep, I've caught it...

Being that it's Valentine's Day I feel it only fitting that I use this time to introduce you to my new love.

You see our relationship started out as a joke. I'd scream, "I love you Justin Bieber!" (mostly because his name is so fun to say) and beg my children to buy his T-shirts or posters for me on all major holidays. They never did.

To be honest I didn't really even know who the boy was. I knew he was some little kid that little girls (and some older girls) went gah-gah over but I had never heard one of his songs.

Until...

Saturday night I took my youngest three chickens to see his new movie and-- I'm not too proud to admit that-- we HAD A GREAT TIME. And I'm also not too proud to admit that I kinda like that Justin kid.

His tunes are kinda catchy (in an innocent little kid kind of way) and perfect for sharing with my little ones. Being a mom is so fun and there is nothing better than seeing little faces light up when they think you love the same things they love. It's seriously one of the great joys of motherhood that no one tells you about.

So now Jamie and I have been struck with Bieber Fever. Yeah, we got it bad. And I'm having the time of my life sharing that with her.

Ain't love grand...

p.s.
the movie also had some powerful messages in it about stick-to-itiveness and creating the life that you want. I may have even had a few epiphanies while watching it. But then I'm always having epiphanies so what do I know.

p.p.s.
Marlee says, "So Mom do you say you love Wolverine just so you can see my face light up?"
Uh, no Marlee... No, yummy, heck no!



p.p.p.s.
In honor of Valentine's Day, there's a picture of me with someone I love posted over on Busy Bee Lauren's Blog HERE
If you are a reader of my blog you will recognize the picture, if not--well you probably won't.
Anyhoo, go check it out and tell me if you find it and then tell me how glad you are that I sent you to BBL's blog because I'm telling you that girl makes me smile. She's just so cute.

chugga, chugga, choo, choo...

I've been really lazy about taking...loading...printing pictures lately. My poor dear son serving far away in South Carolina asks frequently for us to please send photos but I don't do it because I'm being lazy and terribly rude. Poor kid.

Anyway, I think it's easier to stay in the blogging spirit when one stays in the picture taking spirit-- therefore the condition of my blog has been blah as of late. It's sad really and I'm sorry. well kinda.

But what hasn't been blah as of late is my overall spirit in general. This is a time for amazing growth in my life. I'm pushing myself beyond anything I have done before and let me tell you it can be super scary at times, like "I think I'd rather crawl under a rock and throw up" kind of scary but that's okay. There's been an awakening in my soul. I've thought of the phrase, "best life by design" over and over again and realized, "Yes, this is my life to design and I can do it."

Because the difference between those who create success in their lives and those who don't is not based on who's the stronger or the braver (because believe me I'm shakin' in my boots) It's simply based on who is going to keep pushing through even when they don't particularly want to-- because it's SCARY (or hard, or whatever).

But now I'm just rambling so let me get to the point of this post, which is my new theme for this year.

My new theme for this year is... "Oh, Yes I Can"

that's right.

I say it to myself every time I want to crawl under a rock or throw up from pushing myself beyond my comfort zones.

After all, I'm the one who put up those comfort zones in the first place so it stands to reason that I have the power to knock them down. So I think I will

because I know I can.

Oh yes,

I can.

Letting the love in...

(this is an old picture. note my dark hair. and now the broken fragments of this fabulous mug
that I LOVED reside in a landfill somewhere far away. sadness)

Once upon a time when I lived in Idaho during the bitter, bitter winter months--my roommates and I would drink peppermint herbal tea by the gallon (remember those GINORMOUS insulated mugs from Maverick?) and we loved it. It was the perfect ritual to warm our bones and unwind after a long day of study (ha, did I say study...).

I was reminded of this favorite ritual of days gone by when I visited one of my favorite sites, Best Life by Design: HeatherMadder.com, this morning and watched THIS MESSAGE.

Something came alive in me when I read Heather's words, "Because if you are not going to allow the things in your life that you love who else will?"

"HELLO..." I said to myself,

then made a cup of peppermint tea.

Fabulous.

p.s. you need to watch THIS MESSAGE from Heather too. So good.

I almost threw him into the chokey...

This is me.

Only it's not really me. It's really Rhea Pearlman from "Matilda", my all time favorite movie btw.

I only say it's me because this is how I look during sleeping hours now.

It all started when my husband bought a new space heater for our bedroom (we sleep in an icebox) that shines like the sun at noon day. Rick says it's a, "soft glow" but I think he's a little bit crazy and the "soft glow" was keeping me up every night, making me a lot a bit crazy. It was bad people, really bad, and on the verge of threatening our domestic bliss.

Until...

I remembered that one of my children had gifted me a shnazzy dollar store sleeping mask last year for Christmas (mine is embroidered with closed eyes), and now all is well and blissfully blissful once again.

p.s. our Matilda DVD broke some time ago, making me very sad. But I ordered a new one on Amazon (only 6 bucks) and it should be coming today. JOY.

Am I a nerd for liking that movie so much? Or do you love it too?

Come on, the Trunchbull is GENIUS.

Pondering...

While studying the scriptures this morning my heart was stirred up by Nephi's words when he said:

15And upon these I write the things of my soul, and many of the scriptures which are engraven upon the plates of brass. For my soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them, and writeth them for the learning and the profit of my children.

16Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.

As I read these words I thought about how just as Nephi had plates upon which he recorded the history of his people and plates upon which he recorded the things of his soul I too want to do that. I have always wanted to do that because my soul does delight in the things of the Lord and my heart does ponder upon them continually, but I also want to take the time to record the things of my "people" trying to live the blissful life here in Smalltown, USA.

So what I'm getting at is that I'm going to set a goal to record the things of my soul over on my other blog, "Words for This Day" and record the history, or comings and goings, of my peeps here. I don't know if it's a good idea but I'm gonna try it just the same because this is my journey and I'm allowed to try new things when I feel so inclined. Even if they end in failure. And that's pretty cool if you ask me. Well, even if you don't ask me I still think it's cool.

And if you ask me, or don't ask me as the case may be, I'm gonna tell you that if you want a really good read today, if you want your soul to do jumping jacks of joy inside your chest, you must turn to 2 Nephi chapter 4. And if you don't want to read the whole thing at least read verses 16-35 and count how many "amens" and "hallelujahs" you feel cause to utter. Fab-u-lous.

And if you don't have a Book of Mormon at your disposal, you can read it by clicking HERE.

Do it, you know you want to. It's nondenominational--good for everyone-- counsel and it's fab to the u to the lous. For real.

Lets fly...

(remember my poster? Well I'm showing it to you again today to say, "See that bird in the upper left corner? That's me, breaking free from my cage.")

While folding socks this morning I watched a show about the leper colonies in India and was very moved by it.

Aside from the obvious point that I need to do more to help out in this big old wide world I also gained tidbits of knowledge to help in my own growth and development. I jotted a few things down that jumped out at me and I'll share them with you now (btw, I've been trying to take notes while watching TV (of the uplifting variety) and I highly recommend it).

Hopefully these will make sense because I'm going to share them just as they appear in my notebook.

...life is a series of choices that lead us to who we are.

...these can alter the very concept of who I am.

...they had no faith in themselves.

...they were stuck in their colonies, wasting their true potential.

I want to talk about this last one for a minute. Have we not all placed ourselves in one colony or another of our own creation? I know I have created my own "leper colony" of sorts where I hide myself away from reaching my full potential. My colony consists of those self defeating words such as, "I can't" or "I'll never". To leave my colony is to be exposed and vulnerable. To leave means that I have to be willing to fail as well as succeed (and sometimes the thought of succeeding can be just as scary).

I know I can stay in my colony forever, begging and borrowing life's accomplishments and joys from the works of others or I can stand up, leave, and create the life that I really want to experience and in turn be able to share those experiences with those around me.

A few more notes to share were these:

...they gained the dignity of earning their own living.

...the dignity is more important than the money.

I so badly want to gain the dignity that comes from going out and earning those life gifts that have been so generously bestowed upon me by a loving creator. And I dare say that I want it badly enough to really do something about it TODAY. That's right.

So if you happen to come across a trail of bandages littering the pathway of life, you'll know it's just me, freed from my colony and walking toward wholeness.

Want to come?

My piece of the sky...

“There is a time in every man’s education when he arrives at the conviction that envy is ignorance; that imitation is suicide; that he must take himself for better, for worse, as his portion; that though the wide universe is full of good, no kernel of nourishing corn can come to him but through his toil bestowed on that plot of ground which is given to him to till.”

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Did I say I was addicted to Emerson? Well the other day the above paragraph knocked me right in the gut (in a good way). “envy is ignorance…imitation is suicide” can I get some “Amens” and “Hallelujahs” for that one?

Now I’d like to say that I never envy or try to imitate, but let’s get real… we all do it to one extent or another from time to time. Of course we do. We are living in a society that is set up for such behavior, and it is for certain the quickest way to inner suicide—the death of our peace, tranquility and BLISSFUL LIFE. I'm going to work very hard not to waste my time comparing myself to others because I was not put on this earth to be anyone else. I was put here to BE ME. That’s it. Just me.

“…The eye was placed where one ray should fall, that it might testify of that particular ray.”

~Emerson

I don’t want to have my gaze so fixed upon others that I miss the one ray that I was placed here to see—that particular ray that is my life’s errand to experience and to testify about.

Wish me luck.

Wanna come to my yard sale?

I blame it on the fact that I took children's literature in high school instead the good old regular literature class. It's the only explanation for why I missed out on the likes of Emerson and Thoreau. Of course I've heard of Emerson and Thoreau (who hasn't) but I missed out on reading their works (other than a few tidbits here and there) until just recently when I helped Marlee with a homework assignment and exclaimed, "Egad, what have I been missing?!" And now I'm pretty much addicted to them both, along with others like them (Marlee just asked me last night, "What, are you addicted to those guys now?" To which I replied, "Addicted? Puh, no." but I think I am)

So anyway...
Yesterday I was reading (in Marlee's textbook no less) an excerpt from one of Anne Morrow Lindbergh's writings (she's in the same chapter with my two new favorite guys) where she said:

"Today more of us in America than anywhere else in the world have the luxury of choice between simplicity and complication of life. And for the most part, we, who could choose simplicity, choose complication."

And that's when I started singing "Amens" and "hallelujahs" because I for one am tired of complicating my life by chasing after those things that have no true value. Tired up to my breaking point I tell you. T-I-R-E-D.

Then, as if to further confirm Lindbergh's words, I saw a show yesterday about that little trailer house pictured above. The man who lives there decided to see how little one could live on and still be happy. I began to lament about how badly I desire to forsake all of the things of the world and live in a tiny house with few possessions when I heard a voice say, "You don't have to live in a tiny house to live more simply. You can start right now."

And now my house is full of heavy duty industrial sized black trash bags filled to the brim because I am going through each item I own and asking, "Does this simplify or complicate my life?" And wouldn't you know it...
Most of it is just crap. Pointless, life sucking garbage that's gotta go.
Buh-bye.

Good tidings of great joy...

(You know I can't do a post without a picture so here we are on the Tower of Terror ride. It kind of represents the "Nor height, nor depth..." part listed below. I really, really hate heights. Have I ever told you that?)

Yesterday was a day filled with fasting, praying, searching, pondering, learning, growing... in other words it was a very good day.

I am grateful for a Father in Heaven who allows us to stumble, knowing that it is during these times of "uncertainty" and "trial" (though I hesitate to call it a trial because of the blessings that have come from it) that the greatest wisdom and understanding can be gained.

Some of my favorite scriptures from yesterday are found in Romans:

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
~8:28

If God be for us, who can be against us?
~8:31

He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
~8:32

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
~8:35, 37-39

Yep, yesterday was a great day all right and good news, tomorrow will be too because God lives and no power, nor things present, nor things to come will ever change that. And if God is for me who can be against me? Seriously, who?

Maybe...

My family REALLY wants me to start blogging again. I like my family. I like to make my family happy. But do I still like blogging? Hmmm...

Once upon a time (in the fall of 2006 to be exact) I moved to a strange land. Okay so it's not that strange and not really much of a land, more of a town really, and a small town at that. I guess that was the problem. It was too small for my big city self. Not that I'm any kind of high roller with big city swag mind you, it's just that I tend to be a little more on the shy side (Marlee doesn't believe that I'm shy because I always had boyfriends and kissed "every boy in the world" according to her. I didn't really). Because of my shy ways I liked blending in, even disappearing into the sea of people that is the Valley of the Sun.

This move forced me to step out of my comfort zone. I had to be more outgoing and involved or DIE. Really. Because all joys of hobbies past were dead and gone (no good thrift stores, yard sales etc.) and my life threatened to snuff out right along with them if I didn't find new joys.

And thus this blog was born. It was a great place for me to speak my mind so I wouldn't lose my mind. But now my mind is more stable. My mind, and heart, have found a place here in this small place and I'm happy and busy and rarely find myself on the computer anymore. And now to make matters worse (for blogging that is) I just found out this morning that I am indeed going to be busier than ever for the next few weeks at least. Yikes.

But my family REALLY wants me to blog. And I REALLY like my family. So let's just say...

I'll try.

Hmm, I wonder...

I had that dream last night. You know the one. The teeth fallin' right out of your head dream. I hate that dream. And I must admit that it has left me feeling completely out of sorts today. Not out of sorts because I'm afraid of loosing my teeth (they seem pretty secure) but out of sorts because as most of us know the teeth falling out dream is a symbol of ones life being out of whack and man do I feel out of whack right now (a fact that I didn't admit to myself until this dream made it painfully clear).

I was reading on a dream analyzing site that when we have a dream such as this we should write down all of the events--such as setting, people, feelings--of the dream which will give us a better idea of what the dream is trying to tell us.

So here goes. I invite you to read the details of my teeth falling out dream as I remember it...

The setting of my dream took place at the home of some new friends we had made (these were not any of our true life friends, in appearance anyway but maybe symbolically they were--who knows) it was some kind of festive occasion but there was a general feeling of awkwardness in being there. Something was strange about the friendship but I don't remember or can't pinpoint what it was exactly. I remember their house was dark (dark furniture and carpet) without a lot of natural light, which only added to that feeling of awkward uneasiness.

I walked out into the back yard, bright with sunshine, to a picnic type setting. People were gathered there and children were playing, but I felt a little shy and unsure as I walked down into the yard to go stand beside my husband.

It was when I opened my mouth to speak to him that it happened. With the most gentle push of my tongue my teeth began to fall out. I felt them fill my mouth and I spit them into my hands. It was terrifying as the perfectly polished, brilliantly white strong teeth filled my hands to capacity.

I felt the fear in my eyes as I looked to Rick for help. I needed him to get me to the dentist quickly so my teeth could be saved and I expressed that I had felt that something was wrong with me for a long time. I had suspected that I had been very sick but had ignored it and now it had grown serious. I needed medical attention right away.

I walked into the house-- gingerly trying to balance the unmanageably large pile of teeth (still perfect and white) in my hands--and told my kids that we had an emergency and needed to hurry and leave. Hesitant to quit what they were doing, my kids continued to visit and play. As I began to plead with them again about the state of emergency we were in I lost hold of my pile of teeth and they scattered all over the floor, getting lost among the toys and clutter.

I crouched down and while frantically trying to retrieve them, I cried. I cried because I was falling apart, I had no control and it didn't seem to matter to anyone else but me. Of course upon seeing this, my kids rushed to my aid helping me find each tooth--but still feeling an overwhelming sense of urgency to get help-- I told myself to wake up and escape from this awful nightmare immediately, which I did.

So there you have it. My horrible dream. Feel free to analyze away (if you read the whole thing--wow that's a long post). And maybe, just maybe, I'll tell you what I think it means later.

Do you ever write down and or analyze your dreams?

Still swimming...

"The same God that placed that star in a precise orbit millennia before it appeared over Bethlehem in celebration of the birth of the Babe has given at least equal attention to placement of each of us in precise human orbits so that we may, if we will, illuminate the landscape of our individual lives, so that our light may not only lead others but warm them as well."
~Neal A. Maxwell

Last week was a time to vacation, this week a time to reflect. If I could bring just a portion of the light and warmth that my Savior blesses me with each and every day to others my joy would be full. It is the greatest desire of my heart, one that--because of my human frailties-- too often gets neglected, but one that I will never stop striving to accomplish.

Wish me luck... (please)

Truth be told, you're pretty awesome...

I found an old blog post of mine, written in March of 2008 and thought, "Hey this kind of sums up what I was talking with my sister about last night." So even though I was getting ready to write an entirely different post, I think I'll share this instead.

In the old post I was talking about how I had just returned from a writer's conference. I mentioned a few things I had learned, but the following is what I want to share with you today...

"...Another principle we discussed is how truth is full of light, peace and joy. Truth does not leave us feeling sad, empty or depressed. For every lie there is an opposite truth. So if Satan tells me the lies that I'm not good enough, that I can't do it, that I'm not of worth. There is an opposite truth that I am amazing, capable and of infinite worth. The lies fill me with darkness, the truth with light. It's a simple concept, but it holds such power. Satan never wants us to realize just how glorious we are. He wants to keep us trapped in his lies, but if we'll seek the spirit of truth we'll know that we are worth so much more than we ever imagined."

The lies fill us with darkness, the truth with light. It's so simple, so powerful and so TRUE. Truth does not leave us feeling sad, empty or depressed about ourselves. Truth empowers us to change. Day by day, little by little we keep fighting a good fight and we become who we want to be if we allow truth to penetrate our hearts then plug our ears and say, "La, la, la I'm not listening." to the lies that seek to oppress and destroy us.

Also found in an old blog post was this questioned that had been presented to me by the spirit during a difficult time in my life...

"How long are you going to let the father of lies deceive you? How long are you going to allow him to tell you that you are less than you are? Walk with boldness. You are a daughter of God, and as a daughter of God, you can do anything."

WOW.
So say it with me won't you...
"La, la, la I'm not listening"
and lets get out there and do some good because as daughters (and sons) of God we CAN do anything.

Might as well try...

About a week ago I saw a sweet elderly woman taking a walk out in nature. It impressed me. Especially because she hobbled up the path in a painfully slow shuffle. Again, very impressive. But I wondered if we have to resign to walking in a painfully slow shuffle as we age. Can there be anything done to prevent this? I guess only time will tell. But just in case something can be done. Just in case I can work to save the strength of my body now while I've still got a little, I'm pushing myself to work out again (yeah, I know I told you that yesterday). I'm fighting while the fighting's good. Yes I am.

Funny thing is, in my attempt to save myself from walking in a painfully slow shuffle--today, day two of my great workout comeback, I'M WALKING IN A VERY PAINFULLY SLOW SHUFFLE.

Oh well, at least it's temporary.

Here's to health and vitality.

Man I'm gonna be mad if this doesn't work.